Journal: Journal for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood
Volume: JBMW 16:1 (Spring 2011)
Article: A Word to Husbands (And a Few More for Wives): 1 Peter 3:1-7
Author: Joshua Harris

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JBMW 16:1 (Spring 2011) p. 34

A Word to Husbands
(And a Few More for Wives):
1 Peter 3:1-7

Joshua Harris

Senior Pastor

Covenant Life Church

Gaithersburg, Maryland

Introduction

Last month, the Washington Post Magazine featured a cover story by Ellen McCarthy called “Marriage: What Every Couple Should Know.” The article is about the growing “marriage education movement.” More and more people—in government, in churches, in the military—are realizing that married couples need training on how to be married. So the military is offering weekend courses for couples; classes and seminars are being offered in community centers and churches; and dozens of books are being written.

“At the core,” the writer states, “it’s a movement that would ask of every divorcee: What if the truth was that you didn’t marry the wrong person? What if you just didn’t know how to be married?”

It goes on to share the results of a decade long study that showed that

[A]ll couples—those who are happily married into their rocking chair years and those who divorce before they hit their fifth anniversary—disagree more or less the same amount. [The study] found that [all couples] argue about the same subjects—money, kids, time, and sex chief among them—and that for the average couple, 69 percent of those disagreements will be irreconcilable. A morning bird and a night owl won’t ever fully eliminate their differences; nor will a spendthrift and a penny pincher. What distinguished satisfied couples from the miserable ones, [they] found, was how creatively and constructively they managed those differences.... If every couple has about the same number of disagreements, people who leave marriage because of irreconcilable differences are likely to find themselves arguing just as much in their next marriage.... What [these researchers] were finding undermined the basic principle driving romantic relationships in America: “That it’s about finding the right person. That if you find your soulmate, everything will be fine…. [T]hat’s the big myth.”

There’s a lot of common sense wisdom there. The myth of the perfect spouse is one that can influence many of us. As Christians we can even put our own spiritual spin on it and think, “It would be easier to obey what God tells me to do as a wife, if I just had a different husband.” Or “I could cherish and be understanding if I were married to a more cherishable and understandable woman.”

We don’t need to wait for a study to know that this is wrong. God’s Word to husbands and wives in 1 Peter 3 isn’t qualified. It doesn’t say, “If your husband d...

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