Should A Woman Marry A Man Who Has A Problem With Pornography? -- By: Heath Lambert

Journal: Journal for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood
Volume: JBMW 18:2 (Fall 2013)
Article: Should A Woman Marry A Man Who Has A Problem With Pornography?
Author: Heath Lambert


Should A Woman Marry A Man
Who Has A Problem With Pornography?

Heath Lambert

Assistant Professor of Biblical Counseling

Boyce College

Executive Director

Association of Certified Biblical Counselors

Louisville, Kentucky

This question is an urgent one given the importance of marriage, and the pervasive problem that pornography is in our culture. Many women have been concerned about this problem, and many more are sure to follow in their footsteps. I want to respond to this question in three ways: with a short answer, with a long answer, and by posing a more helpful consideration.

First, the short answer. There is a clear and concise response for a woman wondering whether she should marry a man after discovering he struggles with pornography: no. She should not do it. Marriage is too important and too exclusive to enter into it with a man who is cultivating desires for women beyond the one to whom he is married. The same is true for those approaching marriage. You need to be in a relationship with a man who is cultivating exclusive desires for you. That’s the short answer.

Next, the long answer. The long answer still responds with, “No. You should not marry a man who has an active problem with pornography.” I want, however, to elaborate on “no” by explaining why it is wrong to marry such a man. This is what Proverbs 6:32-33 says:

He who commits adultery lacks sense;
he who does it destroys himself.
He will get wounds and dishonor,
and his disgrace will not be wiped away.

This passage in Proverbs 6 does not mention the word pornography. Neither does any other verse in the Bible. When you let Jesus explain, however, that adultery is about desiring a woman to whom you are not married (Matt 5:27-28) then you see that modern men who ogle air-brushed women are serial adulterers. When you grasp that fact you understand that this passage in Proverbs is an incredible condemnation of the man you want to marry who has a problem with porn. He is a man who lacks sense. He destroys himself. He will get wounds and dishonor. His disgrace will not be wiped away. How could you consider marrying into a situation like this?

I have talked with many women who try to make an argument for pursuing marriage with their boyfriend who has an ongoing porn struggle. They often point out that there are tons of good things about him, and that his porn problem is only one slice of his life. I have no doubt that is true. Very few...

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