Spouse Abuse -- By: Marge Cox

Journal: Priscilla Papers
Volume: PP 06:4 (Fall 1992)
Article: Spouse Abuse
Author: Marge Cox


Spouse Abuse

Marge Cox

Marge Cox is a volunteer for both the Victim’s Advocate program of the Broomfield, Colorado Police Department and the Battered Women’s Task Force in Topeka, Kansas. She is a member of the Topeka RPC.

THIS IS NOT A NICE SUBJECT. Abuse is a curse in our land.

One definition of abuse is, “Repeated and targeted abuse (from both attitudes and actions) designed to instill fear and used as a means of control.” The abuser may or may not be aware of his/her motives behind the attitudes and actions.

The sad thing is that there are cases of spouse abuse being found in Christian homes of all denominations. There are many, many beautiful marriages, but the exceptions are heartaches.

My awareness was acutely kindled when I became a Victim’s Advocate for our local police department and received extensive training in family crises. The experts who trained us told us that 60 to 70 percent of our cases would concern family violence, and that has proven to be true. We were also told that 95 percent of abusers are men. (In this article I will be referring to the women victims, but I realize that there are some women abusers. The same principles set forth in this article can be applied by men victims.) We were also told that in 60 percent of spouse abuse cases there would also be child abuse, and that often this would involve incest.

About 80 percent of abusers were themselves abused as children. This problem, then, is a deep, psychological hurt that is released as abuse to others. It is a “learned behavior” and therefore can be overcome. I believe this is one of the sins implied when the Bible says that the sins of the fathers are passed down to the third and fourth generation (see Ex. 20:4).

One Christian wife shared, “I was brought up in a fine Christian home. I did not know before my marriage that my husband had been physically and psychologically abused as a child by both his father and his mother. He became a Christian in his early 20’s but brought into our marriage a deep hurt that neither of us was aware of.

“Within six months after our wedding I knew that there was something dreadfully wrong. I could not understand the awful outbursts of temper over minor issues. I am firmly convinced that he did not want to be abusive, but he did not know how to change. Counseling frightened and threatened him, and I did not have the knowledge to help him overcome this sin.”

Abuse can be inflicted through the following: physical, verbal, emotional, psychological, sexual, or financial manipulation, or through a combination of these. All are devastating. The abuser feels the need...

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