The Wedding Vows 20 years Later -- By: Steve McCoy

Journal: Journal for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood
Volume: JBMW 018:2 (Fall 2013)
Article: The Wedding Vows 20 years Later
Author: Steve McCoy

The Wedding Vows 20 years Later

Steve McCoy

Pastor of Doxa Fellowship

Blogger at

Woodstock, IL

My wife and I recently celebrated 20 years of marriage. I could have written the obligatory blog post or Facebook update to show how amazing she is and how undeserving I am and how glad I am we get to go on this journey together and how I hope we get 20 more years on this journey. I believe those things and could easily say them and mean them. But I didn’t.

I could talk about how much joy I still have when I see her or hear her voice. But we have both come to realize that after 10 years those things were easy to say, but after 20 there is a whole lot of other things in our lives that will not allow me to write something trite because 20 years of marriage is not easy. It has been very hard. The fun of the first 10 years disappeared a bit in the light of other developments. We often say to each other, remember when we used to make up corny songs or give each other silly nicknames? Of course we remember, but we do not do that nearly as much now. We still do some of that, but they have mostly disappeared in the light of other developments.

In the second 10 years of marriage God has made sure we understand things about ourselves we did not wish to learn. He has brought us into certain kinds of suffering that we may never be free of in our “earthly tents.” He has shown us how fragile life is with our marriage, our kids, and our continual struggle with selfishness and heart idols.

So on this our 20th anniversary, we want to share some thoughts about marriage, mostly for my younger married and not yet married readers. We often think about you with a bit of envy that we cannot go back to the time when marriage was easy and a daily adventure. It really was easy in comparison with what has come to us. And we know our experience will not be common to all, or the timing of what we have learned, but we hope others find it helpful as we have found it helpful to meditate on our marriage and share these things with you.

What I offer below is not some well crafted, annotated essay. It is my anniversary morning thoughts, unplanned beyond the time it took to write it. We talked as I wrote, and this post accurately relays how we feel. This is what 20 years of marriage vows have meant to us. Though we could obviously say much more, we hope to convey that we are not complaining. We cannot talk about the vows without mentioning the hard part of the vows. It is not pretty or easy, but it is good.

To Have And To Hold From This Day Forward

Having and holding each other felt pretty doggone good 20 years ago. I remember as a y...

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