Journal: Eikon
Volume: EIKON 04:2 (Fall 2022)
Article: On Sexual Intimacy In Marriage
Author: Michael A. G. Haykin

Eikon 4.2 (Fall 2022) p. 24

On Sexual Intimacy In Marriage

Michael A.G. Haykin

Words not only bear distinct meanings, but the way they are employed reflects back on the cultures that coin them.1 So, for example, one evidence of the hyper-sexualized culture in which we live is the way the term “sexy” — which used to have a distinct meaning of “sexually alluring” — has morphed into a variety of spheres where the adjective would never have been used in years past: course descriptions, cars, and cameras, for example, are all sexy — or not, as the case may be! The new usage of this term even among Western Christians is surely indicative that the hyper-sexuality of our culture is re-shaping the world as well. Of course, human sexuality is important — too important, in fact, to be misused in this way.

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The Puritans On Marital Intimacy

Now, this overt sexualization of modern culture is to some degree a reaction against what is perceived to be Victorian prudishness, sometimes wrongly labelled as “Puritan,” as we shall see. As Marxist historian Christopher Hill once observed, “very few of the so-called ‘Puritans’ were ‘Puritanical’.”2 More generally, it is a reaction against what is perceived to be the Christian view of sex. But what exactly is that view? To journey through the history of sex in Christianity is to discover a number of differing perspectives. For instance, there is the clear delight that Puritans like Richard Baxter (1615–1691) had in sexual intimacy within the context of marriage. Here is Baxter giving advice to married couples:

“Husband and wife must take delight in the love, and company, and converse of each other.” There is nothing that man’s heart is so inordinately set upon as delight; and yet the lawful delight allowed them by God, they can turn into loathing and disdain. The delight which would entangle you in sin, and turn you from your duty and from God, is that which is forbidden you: but this is a delight that is helpful to you in your duty, and would keep you from sin. When husband and wife take pleasure in each other, it uniteth them in duty, it helpeth them with ease to do their work, and bear their burdens; and is not the least part of the comfort of the married state. “Rejoice with the wife of thy youth, as the loving

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hind and pleasant roe, let her breast satisfy thee at all times, and be thou ravished always with her love” [Proverbs 5:18–19].3

In a lifetime of s...