Journal: Eikon
Volume: EIKON 07:1 (Spring 2025)
Article: Parenting As Shepherding
Author: Tedd Tripp

Eikon 7.1 (Spring 2025) p. 72

Parenting As Shepherding

Tedd Tripp

Dr. Tedd Tripp is Pastor Emeritus at Grace Fellowship Church in Hazleton, PA, an author, and conference Speaker

I was riding through the Romanian countryside when my host pointed to a large flock of sheep. At the head of the flock was a shepherd who was driving several goats. Behind followed the flock of sheep. My host observed, “The shepherds are driving the goats and the sheep are following. You cannot drive sheep,” my host observed, “you must lead them. If you try to drive sheep, they will scatter.” Parents must lead their children like wise shepherds. Shepherding a child’s heart means guiding and nurturing a child’s emotional, spiritual, and moral development with care and compassion. Shepherding is attentive and loving, providing direction, encouragement, and discipline while fostering a deep, trusting relationship. Parents must nurture their children rather

Eikon 7.1 (Spring 2025) p. 73

than merely managing behavior. Here are some key elements of shepherding.

Understand The Heart

We tend to think of the heart as the seat of emotions. Phrases such as “have a heart” describe tenderness and understanding. But the Bible does not use the heart to describe emotions. In Scripture, the heart describes the central core of our being. The heart is the command center – the wellspring of life. In the words of Proverbs 4:23, “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flows the springs of life.” All behavior is heart-driven. Our problem, and our children’s problem, is not just the ways we sin, but the sin that lies under the sin. It is the pride, compulsive self-centeredness, love of self, the envy and assorted sinful attitudes of heart that motivate behavior.

It is easy for parents to focus on behavior and miss the heart. If my focus is controlling and constraining behavior, I will tend toward behaviorism — managing my child’s behavior by incentivizing behaviors I want, and disincentivizing those I do not want. In behaviorism, the concern is not necessarily the needs of my child; it is producing the outcomes I desire as a parent.

Jesus reminds us that activities such as coveting, deceit, envy, slander, arrogance, and folly flow from the heart (see Mark 7:22–23). Focusing on these behaviors without reference to the heart is like trying to solve the problem of weeds in the lawn with a lawn mower. The weeds cannot be eradicated without dealing with the roots beneath the soil.

Help your children identify the heart attitudes that lie under the ways they sin. Consider love of self rather than lov...