Journal: Eikon
Volume: EIKON 07:1 (Spring 2025)
Article: How To Raise Adults
Author: C. R. Wiley

Eikon 7.1 (Spring 2025) p. 76

How To Raise Adults

C.R. Wiley

C. R. Wiley is a Presbyterian minister. He is also a Senior Editor of Touchstone Magazine and has served as the Vice President of the Academy of Philosophy and Letters. He’s written a number of books, perhaps the best known is, The Household and the War for the Cosmos. He’s a commercial real estate investor and was a professor of philosophy for a decade. He’s been married 40 years, has three grown children who are all married and have children of their own. He also has 6 grandchildren and counting.

When it comes to raising children, what is the goal? Admitting there are many things we should accomplish, are they all equally important?

To get at this question, let’s posit three bins representing the following categories: first-order, secondary, and, tertiary objectives. In this essay we’ll just look at the first two, and whatever is left over can go in the last bin.

We could reasonably describe first-order objectives as “passing on the faith.” If we fail here, we fail utterly. But I think it’s a larger bin than generally believed, and it includes things often thrown into the second bin. (I’ll explain why in a moment.)

First-Order Objectives

By “passing on the faith,” I think we can include knowledge of God, attendance upon divine worship and the ordinary means of grace, obeying God’s law, pursuing holiness (e.g. developing habits of personal devotion such as Bible study, prayer, and even fasting), and finally, the catch-all, submitting to the Lordship of Christ in all things.

So far, so good. But is it mission accomplished if all the above describes junior, but he’s still single and living in his mother’s basement at 35? (Okay, that’s low-hanging fruit; let’s be more generous — is it mission accomplished if he’s earning six figures, drives a BMW, has a nice condo, but still single at 35?)

While it might make you wince to give a

Eikon 7.1 (Spring 2025) p. 77

straight answer, be honest. Can you say this is ideal? Is junior in any position to pass the faith on to another generation by himself? Of course not.

Just last night, in a conversation with a high-end lawyer in my church (and when I say “high end,” I mean he’s on a first name basis with Supreme Court Justices) the subject of inheritance came up. He noted that we’ve downgraded the practice to mean passing on fungible assets, in other words, what can be converted to cash. An older view often included the care of assets received by inheritance, with the goal of someday passing them onto yet another generation. Examples would include the family farm or a business. When you in...