But how does it work in marriage? -- By: Anonymous

Journal: Journal for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood
Volume: JBMW 01:2 (Nov 1995)
Article: But how does it work in marriage?
Author: Anonymous

But how does it work in marriage?


In a practical way, in your marriage relationship, how do you balance malefemale equality with male headship?

This question will be answered by six of our Council members: Bruce Ware, Mary Kassian, Ray Ortlund, Dorothy Patterson, George Knight and Rhonda Kelley.


MY WIFE, JODI, AND I enjoy a deep, growing and genuine love and respect for each other. I admire her gifts and abilities, and I offer my help to her in ways I can. She, likewise, seeks to assist me in all the ways she is able, and I am so appreciative of her support, encouragement, advice and contribution.

While we enjoy, then, a relationship of mutual service to one another, it is clear to both of us that I am God’s designated leader in our home. She recognizes her calling to assist me in my calling in a way that extends beyond our normal help to one another. In short, we serve each other, but together, she works particularly to assist me to accomplish my own calling before the Lord.

—Bruce Ware


BRENT AND I HAVE BEEN MARRIED for almost thirteen years. In that time, he has always honored, blessed and encouraged me. He has never, ever said or done anything that would give me the impression that I am lesser than he. He trusts me completely, and gives up much on my account. When he fails, he is quick to seek forgiveness. I am left with the impression that he regards my desires and interests as more important than his own, and I feel cherished.

Therefore, the question of male-female equality has not been an issue in my mind. I am secure and confident in who God has made me as a woman. Brent upholds and guards my “equality” so I do not feel the need to do so. And because of Brent’s great love, I am delighted—indeed overjoyed—to have the opportunity to respond to his leadership and encourage him in it. I try to do so on a daily basis by communicating to him all that has happened during my day, including what has happened in the lives of our children. I open my heart to him, pour out all my daily disappointments, victories, joys and struggles. I invite him to share himself with me and to provide me with his wisdom, insight and leadership.

On a very practical basis, we seek to set aside some time each day for this to happen. “Couch Time” is a time when the children, the computer, the paperwork, the housework, the phone and all the other demands of life are set aside in order to concentrate on each other.

This simple exercise does a number of things: First, it reinforces the equality part of our relationship. My views, perceptions and opinions are voiced equally alongside his. Second it provides Brent with the information necessary to establish God’s vis...

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