Equipping the Generations: How to Relate to Your In-Laws for the Glory of God and the Good of your Family -- By: Blake T. Ring

Journal: Journal of Discipleship and Family Ministry
Volume: JDFM 02:2 (Spring 2012)
Article: Equipping the Generations: How to Relate to Your In-Laws for the Glory of God and the Good of your Family
Author: Blake T. Ring


Equipping the Generations:
How to Relate to Your In-Laws
for the Glory of God and the Good of your Family

Blake T. Ring

Blake T. Ring (Ph.D. The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary) is the Pastor of Evangelism and Education at Ninth and O Baptist Church in Louisville, KY. He and Lydia married in 2005 and they have three children: Will (5), Riley (3), and Emery (2). Blake is a fan of St. Louis Cardinal baseball, Fighting Illini basketball, cookie dough, jogging, and orphan care.

Lydia and I married in 2005. Since then we have never lived more than seven miles from my wife’s parents. My father-in-law and I have also worked on the same church staff since 2004. While some may view my relationship with my in-laws as a little too close for comfort, it has been a tremendous blessing for my wife and me and our now three children. But I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked, “So, what’s it really like living so close to your in-laws and working with your father-in-law?” I often feel like I’m expected to provide them with some lowdown, insider information, but I usually respond, “It’s great,” because it is.

As a Google search of “in-law jokes” reveals, relationships with in-laws are infamous for their strenuous nature. This strain is often rooted in the fact that well-established strings of dependency upon parents are not properly severed following the wedding. My father-in-law officiated our wedding, and as a wedding gift, he scripted our vows (it wasn’t by coincidence that my vows were twice as long). In my vows, I promised to be the primary caretaker of Lydia since she was now under my headship (Gen 2:24; Eph 5:23). This transfer of headship from parents to husband, commonly referred to as leaving and cleaving, is easier said than done.

Much like a tightrope walker on a high-wire (minus the dramatic falling to one’s death aspect), honoring parents following the “I dos” requires a skillful balance that most newlywed couples lack. As any married couple can attest, it’s tough to walk the tightrope of leaving parents without withdrawing from them, and at the same time being willing to accept their advice without being overly dependent upon it. (Of course, parents face analogous challenges from their vantage point.) Balance will inevitably be lost, resulting in built-up tension, hurt feelings, and strained relationships.

My relationship with my in-laws is not perfect and apologies have been exchanged through the years, but I get the distinct impression our relationship is healthier than most. I attribute our close and simultaneously comfortable relationship primarily to the godly wisdom

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