Facing Nabal: Working With Men Who Abuse -- By: Patricia Warford

Journal: Priscilla Papers
Volume: PP 28:1 (Winter 2014)
Article: Facing Nabal: Working With Men Who Abuse
Author: Patricia Warford


Facing Nabal: Working With Men Who Abuse

Patricia Warford

Patricia Warford, PsyD, is a licensed psychologist (Oregon and Washington). She has worked in the area of domestic violence for 20 years. This article is adapted from a presentation at CBE’s 2013 conference in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

Ideas have consequences. This is particularly true in addressing domestic violence. Men who abuse hold ideas—or, as we will term them, beliefs—that support their abusive behaviors. And, like the verbal abuse and lethal neglect of Nabal in the biblical account of 1 Samuel 25 that nearly led to his own and the death of his servants and children, such behaviors have dire consequences for the men themselves and those who live with them: wives, aging parents, partners, and children. To understand the cycle of abuse and the beliefs that support it, we must first understand the details and reality of those living in abusive homes by defining terms, reviewing the types and frequency of abuse, and examining the beliefs of men who abuse as well as assessing the consequences of these beliefs—and the subsequent actions they engender—on their female partners and children who witness abuse. Finally, I will close with some basic tenets in challenging men who abuse and their belief systems. The standard in the domestic violence field is to address the issue using multidisciplinary teams or coordinated community responses.

The statistics about domestic violence are well known. Four million women per year are victims of violence perpetrated, in many cases, by the men who vowed to love, honor, and cherish them.1 Approximately 1,200 women will be killed every year by those same men.2 Domestic violence costs are estimated at U.S. $5 billion per year (including $4 billion in medical costs).3

The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE)4 studies have been produced for more than a decade. They provide the data supporting the conclusion that children witnessing abuse in their homes suffer lifelong consequences. These consequences include medical, behavioral, psychological, and spiritual difficulties.

The state of Oregon has defined domestic violence (DV) as:

A pattern of coercive behavior used by one person to control and subordinate another in an intimate relationship. These behaviors include physical, sexual, psychological, and economic abuse. Tactics of coercion, terrorism, degradation, exploitation, and violence are used to engender fear in the victim in order to enforce compl...

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