Coming Alongside: Men Joining The Conversation On Equality -- By: Don Neufeld

Journal: Priscilla Papers
Volume: PP 28:1 (Winter 2014)
Article: Coming Alongside: Men Joining The Conversation On Equality
Author: Don Neufeld


Coming Alongside: Men Joining The Conversation On Equality

Don Neufeld

Don Neufeld, MSW, is a private practice clinical social worker in Saint Catharines, Ontario. This article is adapted from his presentation at CBE’s 2013 conference in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

Introduction

As a boy, I lived on a small family fruit farm. When springtime came, grasses and weeds that coexisted between the rows of fruit trees were ripped and carved so that the soil could breathe and be prepared to support the trees for the coming season. As the weeds were turned over, an important cycle of life was encouraged. When the spring rains came, the enzymes did their work to break down the organic matter to support new growth.

The parable of the sower is included in the three synoptic gospels of our Bible. The parable describes scattered seeds that fell on hardened paths, where the birds have a feast; or in shallow soil amid rocks, where, after a brief life, the plants shrivel for lack of moisture and nourishment; or some that fell among thorns, where life was short as the vines and dominant plants monopolized the moisture and nutrients, smothering the fragile plants. Each picture represents the life-giving word of God, which does not take root due to unwelcoming conditions. In the lives of the people I work with, as it is for all of us to some extent, God’s invitation to true wellness is unable to be fully realized due to various, often significant, hindrances. I have been struck with the fact that no mention is made of any soil preparations undertaken prior to sowing the seed. I have come to realize that my work as a social worker is to till and prepare the soil of people’s lives so seeds of growth and change can take root and flourish. In the journey in which I participate with my clients, their hardened paths, their stone-cold places, or the weed-infested portions of their existence must be tended to prepare a receptive environment where seeds of hope and change can germinate and grow.

During my eighteen-year career in child protection services, which is oriented primarily toward the protection of children and their mothers, men were labeled almost unilaterally as threats and seldom recognized and supported as assets in a family.1 When I stepped away from the child welfare field and have had the opportunity to work specifically with men, many of whom have been identified as putting women and children at risk, I have begun to hear and appreciate the stories of these formerly abusive men in a new way. When they are given the invitation to share and be heard fully, not simply categorized and condemned, the stories that emerge speak to their pain, shame, discouragement, and anger. Clearly, some of their att...

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